It’s true. I reviewed a lot of PS2 and PS1 games back in the day, I may have briefly looked at the remodelled PSOne in a meaningful way when it was launched, and I did indeed once become Deputy Editor of the Official Playstation Magazine at the very end of its lifespan, entirely by accident. But I’ve never had the slightest inclination to actually own any form of Playstation, while nearly every other console from the past 20 years has been welcomed into my home at some point.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re cross-referencing with my Blu-Ray piece and coming to the entirely reasonable conclusion that I hate Sony. Fair enough, except I don’t. Well, maybe a little, but not enough to stop me buying a Sony Reader ebook thing last year, which is a lovely little piece of kit only slightly hampered by the fact that it’s bloody impossible to actually buy books for it. I’ve tried on many occasions, and I’ve succeeded exactly once. To be fair, though, that’s Waterstones’ fault.
No, I have time for Sony when it makes nice stuff. What I don’t have time for is the Playstation itself. Nothing against the games; I’m well aware that the Playstation brand is home to more than its fair share of classics and I’m still not interested.
Here’s the reason:
And here’s another:
And yet another:
There you have it, the worst controllers ever. Just look at that original PS1 controller with its non-dpad made out of buttons. How the PS1 kick-started a glorious new age of videogaming with that monstrosity is beyond me. Then Sony added analogue sticks, and rather than put them anywhere sensible, they went in a place that’s guaranteed to give you (well, me) cramp within half an hour. And it’s not just the placement of the sticks, it’s the movement of them; they simply feel wrong and nasty, like little dried mushrooms jammed into a loose ball-and-socket joint.
Staggeringly, Sony decided that it had perfected joypad design at that point and the controllers have stayed essentially the same since then, give or take a bit of rumble and wireless and that Sixaxis thing that no-one really cared about. Ergonomics? Never heard of it, mate. Also, those stupid triangle/square/circle/X buttons are made of idiot. What’s wrong with letters? Everyone else manages fine with them!
I don’t get it. Am I in some tiny minority here, or does everyone else hate them too but can’t be bothered to make a fuss about them?